Motivation

The word I have a serious love-hate relationship with: motivation.

In and around the Marine Corps this word is spoken like the word "stroke" would be used in a swimming class or the word "prescription" in the medical field. The Marine Corps has even shorted it to fit amongst the millions of other words known as slang or Marine Jargon. This word is Moto. One is Moto if they seem extra motivated or motivating.

To be Moto is to be respected. When I finished reading My Men Are My Heros--the Brad Kasal story--to my husband over the course of several weeks his final words on the subject were, "That is moto." Amongst the comments on the Marine Corps' Birthday video were several references to the video as being "moto as hell" or simply, "MOTO!"

Moto can be a person, an act, a video, a message, a word, anything that serves as a boost in morale, feelings of pride in being a Marine, or serves to motivate Marines to get the job done. One of the greatest compliments I had ever received is when I was called a moto wife.

I was reading a blog today written by a young man who is currently in Boot Camp. He writes letters to his father and his father types them out and uploads them onto the blog. It's the closest thing any recruit will come to blogging in Recruit Training. He's about half way through and I'm impressed with how motivated he has remained. Sure there are whole weeks of time where there is on update as I am sure he's not able to get out a letter or even have time to sit and write but every letter talks about wanting to get back to his platoon if he's sick or wanting to try again if he failed. He wants to be a leader. He wants to be first. Though I am not yet a Marine and cannot comment as to his moto-ness, as a civilian I can certainly say that he is motivated.

Which made me self examine.

When the time comes for me to get on the bus and stand on the yellow footprints, what will be my motivation? Will it be achieving a dream? Will that be enough? Will it be the title, Marine? Will that be enough? Will it be fear of failure that pushes me on? What is my motivation?

When I talk to those who have been there and done that I often here a variation of the same thing, "Stay motivated and you'll be fine," or "Don't loose your motivation," "Be motivated."

What is my motivation?

Every morning I get up and I think about going to Boot Camp. Every time I look at my son I think about going to Boot Camp. Every time I eat I think about Boot Camp. Almost every moment of every day I am thinking about the Marine Corps, going to Boot Camp and, most often, I think about how much I'm going to miss back home.

If I'm going to get through this I need to find my motivation. I need to stop obsessing about what I'm leaving behind and start thinking about what I'm moving toward. If I keep looking back my time in Boot Camp is going to be miserable.

The situation is not dissimilar to while I was giving birth. I was in so much pain and worried and tired. I'd been pushing for an hour and felt like I was getting no where. I had resulting to screaming, "I can't do this!"

The nurse, a sweet Marine wife, said, "Tough, 'cause your doing it." Those five little words proved to be my motivation.

It was then I had the epiphany that it did no good for me to sit there screaming about something I could do nothing about. There was no going back. There was no alternative. There was no point in wishing it could be over. The only option was to get it over with myself.

I shifted my thinking and in another grueling and painful hour he was born.

In a way, I'm looking for that epiphany. That mental shift in my head that sets me firm and tells me to stop looking back and wondering if I've done, am doing or will be doing the right thing, to accept what decisions I've made and march ahead proudly and confidently, no matter how much it may hurt or how long the process may be, until I'm holding my reward on the other side.

What is my motivation? What will I find moto?

Perhaps I'll have to carry those five little words with me and when I'm standing, shaken and doubting at the precipice of uncertainty I can hear her stern but assured affirmation of, "Tough, 'cause you're doing it."

No point in worrying. No point in wondering. No point in doubting.

"I can't do this," a part of me says.

Tough! 'Cause I'm doing it.