Back Up Plan

I was reading an article the other day about the difference between men and women. The article claimed that while women like to boast about our equality or even superiority to men we still hold men to a higher standard and a vast majority of us depend on men for our livelihood. Women may get the same education, even get a degree but in the end, a vast majority of them (us) still rely on the "man of the house" to put the food on the table.

Now, while the article was being rather harsh on women for emasculating men and failing to live up to their own judgments, I am going to agree with the article to a certain extent.

Whether we like it or not, whether we want to admit it or not, as society stands, the man is still the principle breadwinner for families. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Let me repeat: There's nothing wrong with that.

If that is the kind of arrangement that works best for your family, then by all means, it is the best arrangement, period.

Let's face it. For young families there really is no better at-home-care-provider than the mother. While she is recuperating from childbirth she is the best source of nutrition and love for her young children. It is a match (pardon the cliche) made in heaven.

In days of old it was not only assumed, but expected, that a young woman would marry, have children, stay home and care for them while her husband worked. Indeed, in Biblical times a woman was so dependent on a husband's care that should her husband die she was immediately passed on to his brother. The idea of being unmarried or going without a man to provide for the family was unheard of. The idea of single-parenthood, absurd. More recently a suddenly single mother was looked after by family or her church.

In the current world, however, single parenthood (motherhood, in particular) is almost an epidemic. It is tragic in it's frequency and the burden of care has passed from family and congregations to the state. Yes, many single parents are able to make fine livings without relying on the state for help, but the numbers are fewer than we'd all like to see.

Also, with our economy the way it is, a single income household with children is almost immediately too much to financially bear.

What's my point?

I have a child, a house, two cats. There are responsibilities that need to be performed and, though talented, I have no job skills that would land me a good paying and stable job should something happen to my husband, our breadwinner.

Yes, we have life insurance and it is enough to cushion the blow of such a loss, but eventually it would run out and I would have to either remarry someone willing to "take care" of me and my son or I would have to get a job myself.

I would prefer having both options.

The idea of marrying because I need someone to take care of me leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. It smacks of insincerity. It feels... dirty.

If I married again I would want it to be for love and because that man would be a good father to my son and because I want to make a new life, not because I need a paycheck.

I have thought about going back to school. In fact, I have wanted to go back to school, but with little money with which to do such and no sure direction in any particular field, I feel lost. There's also the fact that even should I go back to school and get a degree I would still be void a very critical hirable trait: job experience.

Sure, some men actually like sweeping in and being the savior. Some men genuinely adore rescuing the damsel in distress and prefer to be the breadwinner and primary source of income. I, however, do not prefer being needy.

Though my husband has never complained, I have never liked the fact that I couldn't provide for my family financially if required to do so.

It's one thing to choose to be the house-wife, it's another thing entirely to not have a choice in the matter.

Yes, I can get jobs. But the jobs I get are little-over-minimum-wage, couldn't-pay-rent-and-eat-at-the-same-time, glad-you-have-something-else-to-fall-back-on, this-is-not-a-career kind of jobs. It might put some food on the table but in the meantime I'd loose my house, my car, my electricity, my phone, (gasp) my internet.

Which leads us full circle. I want a job skill. I was work experience. I want something to fall back on. I want a resume. I was security in knowing that, should I choose to do so, I could go out and get a career-type job that could support my family.

What better way to get all of that than the military?